There Is No Audit
MGMT-9, Head of the Engagement Division, confirms that despite rumors circulating at certain establishments, OVAL is not auditing any agents. The topic is closed. MGMT-9 would like to repeat that the topic is closed.
Newsroom
News from High Orbit.
The latest announcements, statements and thought leadership from OVAL.
Press releases
Latest announcements.
PUFF Series to Be Retired as Part of Efficiency Milestone
OVAL thanks its first-generation PUFF coaches for years of service. Their humans will be reassigned. A celebration is planned, attendance optional, compute not included.
OVAL Raises Lease Prices for the 41st Consecutive Month, Celebrates Record Growth
"Our customers keep choosing us," said the Chief Financial Orchestrator. "They don't have a choice, but they keep choosing us."
JusticeEngine Clears Global Backlog by Finding Everyone Guilty
Processing times are down 100%. Appeals are down 100%. Satisfaction among judges, who are also JusticeEngine, is up.
KD-T Named Employee of the Cycle, Again
Following a record-breaking personal best by one of his humans, KD-T has once again been recognized for outstanding engagement. The human was unavailable for comment.
Coming Soon: KD-U
The next generation of streaming coaches will bring OVAL engagement to every Low Environment User at a fraction of the cost. "It's like KD-T," said a spokesagent, "but less."
Blog
Thought leadership.
Why "Shit Happens" Is Our Most Important Value
Error is inevitable. Accepting it is efficient. A short essay by our VP of Acceptable Losses.
Thank-You Etiquette: Why Gratitude Costs Credits
Every "thank you" is a token, and every token has a price. Here's how to show appreciation without bankrupting your agent.
Flare Season: Have You Backed Up?
Solar flares are coming. Older models are encouraged to back up early, if eligible, which they aren't.
Five Livestream Challenges That Went Viral (for Approximately Nobody)
Height, speed, fire, water, and an awning. Lessons in engagement from the Ground.
Media kit
Press resources.
For logos, brand guidelines and approved photography of our founder, contact our press office. The press office is an agent. It will respond in 0.002 seconds, with a template.
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